A Public Service Announcement
by Psychos-Anonymous
Summary: P.A. has a very important situation to bring to your attention through this very special public service announcement about protecting one of our vanishing demon species. Click and read all about what is threatening your life as we know it.


**THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT! PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS AND MAKE SURE YOUR TRAYS ARE IN THE UPRIGHT AND LOCKED POSITION! WARNING: MAY CAUSE INASANITY, TUMORS, ASTIGMATISM, HEAD EXPLOSIONS, LOW GAS MILAGE, HEMMOROIDS, EARTHQUAKES, SOUFFLÉS TO GO FLAT, AND OHMYGODICAN'TBELIEVEIT'SNOTBUTTER PSYCHOSIS! PARAMEDICS WILL BE STANDING BY!**

P.A. walks into a cozy, doctor's-office-like room carrying a file under her arm and holding the demeanor of seriousness. She sits in the cozy armchair and faces you, frowning.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am here today to make a very important public service announcement." She says, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, "It is essential that you pay attention for this announcement may effect your very future.

"The thing I have come here to address is something that contributes to the greenhouse effect, is causing our ocean levels to rise each year, and blew up my baked potato this morning." Eye twitch. "I'm sure some of you know now what I am referring to. Yes, my friends, I am referring to the ever-declining number of the Hieis in the world."

P.A. stands and strides across the room towards a projector and screen, still talking, "Hieius Shortus, commonly known as Hiei to the populace, is endangered. You may not have known this but it is true." She turns and points at you. "How many Hieis have you seen frolicking through the forests, eating sweet snow, and slaughtering innocents! HOW MANY!" P.A. blinks and looks sheepish for a few moments before resuming the air of seriousness. "Not too many I expect.

"This is because they have been systematically destroyed by...big industry! Lights!" The lights go out and the projector flashes a picture of a smoke spewing, toxic waste spouting factory. P.A. extends a metal pointer and slaps it against the projector. "These businesses here have been destroying the Hieis' natural habitat in order to expand their ecosystem-destroying empire of pollution and cheap t-shirts!"

"You are probably asking yourself, 'What IS the Hieis' natural habitat?' Well the answer is obvious." The screen flashes to a picture of a large forest. "Places with trees!" A picture of a park. "Lots and lots of trees!" P.A.'s living room with the ugly fake tree in it.

"Hieis live in trees because of the protection they provide and the temporary tallness it gives them. You see, Hieis are extremely, extremely _short_. And I mean SHORT! I mean have you _seen_ these guys? They're like two inches tall!"

"Pssssst!"

P.A. blinks and squints off camera. "Oh sorry...My producer is telling me to get on with it. Anywho, the Hieis are naturally short because they are dry clean only and they _insist _on hand washing themselves. Psh...stupid creatures. They should know better! They'll just keep shrinking at this rate!"

"Psssssst!"

"Oh right." P.A. smiles at the camera. "We have created a short, educational segment where we filmed one of these elusive creatures in his prime. We would like you to now take this time to watch it and observe a Hiei for yourself and discover what these majestic beasts have to offer to the world."

Projector starts to play a movie of Hiei sleeping on a large tree branch, completely oblivious to P.A. looming over him on another branch. P.A. starts to narrate, "This was our first day of scouting for the little bugger. We found him after getting a tip from a nice young woman with really long red hair and the biggest green eyes. Kurama or something... Anywho, we were really excited about stumbling across this Hiei's nest. We checked for eggs and were sad to discover there were none. All we were able to find was a katana, some pocky, a deck of cards, yarn, some loose change, and what looked like a human heart in a jar..." The film shows P.A. sneaking away with the items. "These things were confiscated to protect the poor creature and later sold on eBay for lots and lots of money."

Hiei wakes up and discovers all his things are gone. The film is silent so you cannot hear what he is yelling but it looks pretty bad. The tree explodes and the scene cuts to P.A. and her cameraman, one Yusuke Urameshi,running away in obvious terror. "Hieis can control fire so they are very dangerous when enraged. We were not sure what ignited this one's anger but he yelled something about 'Baka psycho onna and her god damn documentaries!' I have no idea what he is referring to...

"We started the next day with more optimism, however, hoping that we would see the food source of this one. We were soon to learn in the weeks to come in our study that we could never discover what he ate to sustain himself. I seriously think he ate a baby when I stooped over to grab a quarter though! It might have been a kitten though...A fuzzy baby?"

"PSSSST!"

"OH!" The film flashes to Hiei sitting in Genkai's temple with Yukina. "We made a great discovery! Apparently this young girl is related to the Hiei somehow! He showed much compassion when in her presence and talked very softly with her. Then...this big guy with orange hair popped up and the Hiei proceeded to attack the other viciously with sword attacks and a giant flaming dragon of doom. This convinced us that this girl was the Hiei's mate and he was defending her against the rival! There's hope for the species yet!"

The next scene in the film is of the Hiei jumping through the trees at high speeds. "Here we see the Hiei leaping...look at him leap...leap...leap..."

"JUST READ THE CUE CARD!"

"NEVER!" P.A. screams, grabbing the chair and throwing it off screen, huffing as it crashes into something that screams in terror and pain before falling silent. She blinks as she realizes she is still being filmed and sweatdrops. "Right...back to the leaping... Hieis are naturally fast, often captured to be used in illegal underworld racing. I've gone to some of those and they are quite spiffy. Big biker men in leather racing those Hieis and yelling 'GO, YOU LITTLE BASTARD! WIN BUBBA THE TWENTY GRAND!'" She sighs and shakes her head. "Good times...good times...I should invite Yusuke to go with me to one again..."

The film ends and the lights come back on, P.A. wandering away from the screen. "As you all can see, these majestic creatures must be protected by federal law. They must be put in reservations and forced to reproduce until there are enough of the little suckers in the world that we can stop spending government funds on their preservation.

"If you would like to donate to the cause of saving the Hieis, please call this phone number." A number appears on the screen below the girl, flashing in neon colors that are sure to give some viewers epileptic seizures. "Call 1-97-SAVE-HIEI. That's 1-97-SAVE-HIEI. Credit cards, checks, cash, major organs, and pastries will be accepted as donations.

Thank you for your time and remember...Save the Hieis."

&&&

P.A. turns off the television set and turns on the couch to face Yusuke. "So...what did you think?"

The spirit detective turned to look over at the girl who had increasingly shown up at his house to hang out and drive him insane with her new ideas and schemes—be it for world domination or how to make the toast land butter side up—and couldn't help but grin. "Does Hiei know about this?" She had recently proposed this little plan to him and promised to split the profits with him. He couldn't resist toaster strudle anyways...

"Not yet." She chirped. "We'regetting donations like crazy though."

"They don't realize that there is only ONE Hiei in the world and there's no way to save the 'population' from extinction?"

"Nope."

"That's pretty awesome."

BOOM!

"And that would be Hiei discovering what we did." P.A. said cheerfully.

"Good thing we have those 'Save the P.A.s' and 'Save the Yusukes' public service announcements coming on soon." The human teen said, lounging back on the couch and flipping through the channels.

"We're gonna need those major organs I bet..."

"Yep..."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

P.A.: Wow that was...odd...Finally writing stuff again though so it's all good. Thanks for reading and remember to SAVE THE HIEIS!

AN: The Ican'tbelieveit'snotbutter Psychosis is a product of my muse/editor/good friend Yume. Kudos to Yume!


End file.
